Well, in the 1 1/2 months since I last blogged, my father has died and my mother has been in the hospital twice and is now in another nursing home trying to recover and get home again. It's been quite the roller coaster ride. We (my mother and I) were with my father when he died. It was an interesting experience. Sad, yes. But knowing the journey my father was on to get to this point, I really think he was ready to move on and he wanted us with him when he did. I know that it felt unreal at some points the following week, and that I have been so busy that I really have not been able to reflect on any of this as deeply as I will in the weeks to come.
Some of my awarenesses so far: life goes on & that his death isn't even a blip in the flow of the world. I would be driving in my car and I would think: he's dead... yet no one around me even knows and there is no pause in most people's pace. And every day, hour, minute, and second some other people die, and the world keeps right on running. This isn't Star Wars - there is no disruption of the force. I don't even know how to properly express the awareness - it's a sense that is not verbal - it's like trying to use words to describe how my grandmother smelled - they truly are inadequate.
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