Sheer Exhaustion

I am afraid that I had not counted on how physically draining this process would be to support my mother through finding a new equilibrium. I am not sure if this is due to how emotionally difficult the whole thing is or if it is due to not sleeping enough. Or the fact that life was busy before I added in a time-consuming daily piece (phone calls and being there physically to walk her through certain rountines). I continue to believe that I will not have to do the walking her through daily routines piece forever - I think it will begin to click into place for her. But the question remains, will it click into place quickly enough.

I am distrustful of putting aides in to help her re-learn it, because I think they will opt to tell her what to do (it's easier and faster) than making her think about it. But all that does is require their presence on an on-going basis. And that won't work, for many reasons. Firstly, the longer that goes on the more brain matter she loses and the harder it becomes for her to fight her way back to an optimal level of functioning. Secondly, it is expensive, and although many people have offered to send money to help, the amount of money it would require to continue would be ridiculous. Waste of money - because it is not time-limited, it is indefinite with no end in sight, the only out down that path is when she moves into assisted living.

So, since I see small progress each day, I will continue down this path.

Marji

April showers bring snow in May

Well, maybe that's not entirely accurate, but they are predicting snowflakes this week...

My mother came home a couple weeks ago, but with 24/7 aides... which I ended today as I decided they were turning her brain to more mush than it would be otherwise... I am finding it stressful personally, but I believe it is her only chance to have any level of recovery and be able to continue to live in her apartment. I think she will need aides for some period of every day, but I think that needs to be limited and have some clear goals. So I will be looking into something which will meet those ends, starting Monday. (and until then, all good energy sent my way is wonderful).

The whole process is very difficult and emotionally draining. But I suspect that I just need to change my mindset. Maybe meditate on it for a while... After all, this is just life, isn't it?

Just to prove my life is not totally lost, I took the boys to see Horton Hears a Who today. It was surprisingly enjoyable. It struck me as an interesting message in these times, metaphorically speaking.