April showers bring snow in May

Well, maybe that's not entirely accurate, but they are predicting snowflakes this week...

My mother came home a couple weeks ago, but with 24/7 aides... which I ended today as I decided they were turning her brain to more mush than it would be otherwise... I am finding it stressful personally, but I believe it is her only chance to have any level of recovery and be able to continue to live in her apartment. I think she will need aides for some period of every day, but I think that needs to be limited and have some clear goals. So I will be looking into something which will meet those ends, starting Monday. (and until then, all good energy sent my way is wonderful).

The whole process is very difficult and emotionally draining. But I suspect that I just need to change my mindset. Maybe meditate on it for a while... After all, this is just life, isn't it?

Just to prove my life is not totally lost, I took the boys to see Horton Hears a Who today. It was surprisingly enjoyable. It struck me as an interesting message in these times, metaphorically speaking.

Eldercare continuing saga

Well, I've got a cold & nasty sore throat. I think it's that pattern of when the crisis subsides slightly the body becomes vulnerable to illness. But the sun was shining today - so I really don't want to complain. I am trying to work hard on being mindful and focusing on the lens I use to view the world.

My mother is still in the skilled nursing facility. I hope to find out what the plan is tomorrow. I wish that there were case managers for the elderly who could help to navigate the system. I know that there are case managers for the elderly, but they seem to be much more limited than would be helpful. What is needed is an advocate who knows services at a number of agencies, talks with you about them and helps arrange them and make them happen.

People say they are case managers and they ask what kind of services you are looking for, and then they give you a list of phone numbers so you can call and look into the programs. Or they say they are case managers, but they can only help you look into programs at their agency, and they are not interested in helping you if you are already receiving some services from another agency. It just doesn't make any sense to me as a consumer.

Hmmm.

New Adventure

Well, I decided I needed to do something new and different - for a whole bunch of reasons - so I applied for and was accepted into the social work PhD program at MSASS. I start in the fall. This should be interesting. I am looking forward to it. I hope to keep working at my current job, if I can work that out. Wish me luck!

life, death and ???

Well, in the 1 1/2 months since I last blogged, my father has died and my mother has been in the hospital twice and is now in another nursing home trying to recover and get home again. It's been quite the roller coaster ride. We (my mother and I) were with my father when he died. It was an interesting experience. Sad, yes. But knowing the journey my father was on to get to this point, I really think he was ready to move on and he wanted us with him when he did. I know that it felt unreal at some points the following week, and that I have been so busy that I really have not been able to reflect on any of this as deeply as I will in the weeks to come.

Some of my awarenesses so far: life goes on & that his death isn't even a blip in the flow of the world. I would be driving in my car and I would think: he's dead... yet no one around me even knows and there is no pause in most people's pace. And every day, hour, minute, and second some other people die, and the world keeps right on running. This isn't Star Wars - there is no disruption of the force. I don't even know how to properly express the awareness - it's a sense that is not verbal - it's like trying to use words to describe how my grandmother smelled - they truly are inadequate.

Freezing Cold Winter Arrives

Well, the typical winter weather continues (at least for the moment). Every time it arrives in either a snow storm or freezing cold temperatures, then it disappears again making it look like global warming is definitely active in North America.

News reports say that it is unlikely that Lake Erie will freeze over this winter. Seeing one of the Great Lakes frozen over (at least partially from the coast) is really awe-inspiring. The frozen waves... the vast expanse of fresh water frozen like a small pond... but not this year.

But the weather and wind outside today made skin & lips feel frozen for sure.

Looking forward to summer and purple pedicures and wearing Birkenstocks & going barefoot... (can you tell it's freezing cold outside?)

New Year's Resolutions

Ok! New year & new resolutions... be grateful for everything.