Monday, November 19, 2007

Ok... what am I doing wrong?

Ok. Obviously the universe is sending me some directions which I am getting wrong. I continue to feel like I am banging my head on the wall or trying to overcome roadblock after roadblock - and that's just a little too frustrating. Not that life is supposed to be coasting, but I don't think it's supposed to feel this.

My mother is so confused and all I try to do to get her organized so she can maintain and not have to go to a nursing home just doesn't seem to work. At least she isn't wandering the way my father did. And at least she doesn't try to turn on the stove and burn her apartment down accidentally. But she calls me in a panic and leaves messages at my home that sometimes I don't get and she can't remember to call me at work during the week - I'm lucky she can remember to call a number connected to me - although I do have all the information posted in large print signs on her walls to try to orient her. But her clocks stop and she doesn't read the reminders and I am just so frustrated and overwhelmed at the moment I could cry. And I know it's very scary for her. And maybe my friends are right and I should send her to a nursing home - but that's a one-way street. You don't come back from nursing homes - as evidenced by this recent stay she had - I cannot put into words how much ground she lost. And I am so angry at the hospital for causing this - and the nursing home for exacerbating it - and the fact that I keep getting bills from them that I have to pay makes me want to call them and tell them off or threaten to sue them. It is just too totally insane - I have to pay you for problems that you caused? That is like Alice in Wonderland. (or the Bush regime).

No comments: